Win a Date With HARRY POTTER!
by Gryffin-Head-Basilisk-Heart
Summary: Fred and George sponsor an event called WIN A DATE WITH HARRY POTTER. Who knows who will enter...not only girls want to get their hands on THE Harry Potter!
1. The Beginning of His Troubles

Disclaimer: We don't own Harry Potter!

* * *

**Chapter One: The Beginning of his Troubles:**

Two pairs of blue eyes glanced at each other, winking.

'WE'RE BACK!" A magically-enhanced shout shook the castle.

Dumbledore ran out of his room with a lit wand, wearing teddy bear pajamas and pink, fluffy bunny slippers.

Fred and George stared. "Uh...Headmaster?"

"I can explain..." Dumbledore stuttered, "Actually... I can't..."

* * *

"HARRY! HARRY!" The identical faces were trying not to turn red from holding back their laughter.

"HARRY! We found this in our Dad's office! It's a contest to win a trip to the official England Quidditch Pitch and fly with the team for a day!"

Harry snatched the sheet from the twins and quickly ran his eyes over the sheet of paper. He then sloppily filled out the required information and handed it back to the twins.

Fred and George just burst out laughing.

"I"-- giggle-- "can't believe" --another annoying giggle-- "you fell for that!" The twins were back to back, holding each other up and slapping their knees.

"What did I fall for? And why are you laughing so much?" Harry asked, immensely aggravated and slightly worried about what was obviously the twins' newest plot.

"You should have seen your face!" Fred replied, wiping tears from his eyes from laughing so hard.

"You just signed a contract to let us hold a contest to let girls(and blokes,elves, goblins, and pretty much anything else that could be considered a "being")sign up to have a date with you! We used an illusion charm on the paper so it would like it said something else." George replied, slowly standing up.

"Wait, so you mean I actually have to go on one of those dates!" Harry started rolling his sleeves up menacingly.

"We, uh, gotta go!" And being the two idiots Fred and George are, they tried to Apparate inside Hogwarts. Just then, Ron and Hermione walked in.

"Did they just try to Apparate? But that means they'll be ... splinched!"

Hermione just closed her eyes and shook her head.

Ron freaked, breaking out into a wild grin, "About time something happened to them!" He burst out laughing.

Hermione grimaced thinking about being splinched, "That has to hurt!"

Harry only grinned, "I hope it did."

* * *

"Come one, come all! Ladies, come sign up to win a date with... HARRY POTTER! That's right girls, THE Harry Potter." Fred and George had a table set up in front of Zonko's Joke Shop in Hogsmeade. They had banners with schmaltzy slogans like "Party with Potter!" and "Hail Harry!"

"Man, look at all these girls! Why don't we get this many?" Lee was helping the twins by counting the amount of contestants.

"Maybe we need to dye our hair black, wear dorky glasses, and give ourselves a stupid lightning-shaped scar on our forehead." George replied, his brother and Lee were snickering.

"WOMEN!" All three said at once.

"Pansy...Cho...Lavender...GINNY!" Fred was agape and staring at the paper.

"GINNY WILL NOT GO DATING, NO!" George started tearing the paper to shreds.

"Come on mate, she's in her fifth year at school, she can make decisions for herself." Lee assured with a hand on his friends' shoulders.

"NO, NO, NO and...fine." Fred caved in and started writing another entry slip for Ginny.

* * *

"Lucius! Severus! Get in here this moment!" Voldemort looked very pleased.

He had a smirk that looked very murderous and evil. (He had practiced it for weeks to make it perfect.)

"Get in here! OR I'LL KICK YOU!"

The two Death Eaters stormed in, looking very shifty.

Severus and Lucius kneeled before the Dark Lord.

"Yes, Master," they both greeted.

"It has come to my attention that Harry Potter is the prize for a dating contest at Severus's little school." The Dark Lord forced a spine-tingling chuckle.

Snape curled his lips, "Is this supposed to mean something to us?"

Voldemort chuckled, yet again. "It should; I need both of you to sign up for that contest." The two Death Eaters pursed their lips.

"Master, you know we're... straight," Lucius stated.

"NO, you muggle! We need to enter that contest so one of you could win and finally get rid of that Pain-In-My-Neck-Boy-Who-Lived." Voldemort's "nostrils" flared out and he held his head in his hands.

"God! Why am I surrounded by such idiots?" he finally muttered.

* * *

"Hey! Harry! We have to show you who signed up for the contest!" The twins and their commentator friend were running up the fleet of stairs to the boys' dormitories.

"I still can't believe I'm letting you two go through with this!' Harry said, opening the door to the boys' dormitories.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Fred muttered. "You believed us when we gave you the papers. You're the idiot here, not us!"

Harry just glared.

"And here's the list. You'll go on dates with thirty people, like a get-to- know-you basis. Then we'll eliminate fifteen of them, and you'll go on a longer, "more intimate" date. We'll keep eliminating and the grand prize winner gets to keep you and go on a cruise with you."

Harry continued to glare at the seemingly-innocent twins and snatched the list from them.

"Oh...my...god!" He screamed in horror reading through the list. "Blaise Zabini? Ginny? Madame Pomfrey! MALFOY! SNAPE!"

With that, Harry fainted.

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A/N: What do you think? Don't forget to REVIEW! And if you want to be told when we're going to update, leave your e-mail in your review!  
Ashleigh and Mimi 


	2. The Worst Day of His Life

Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter.

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**Chapter Two: The Worst Day of his Life**

"Harry! HARRY! _Enervate_!" Fred was panicking so much that he almost forgot how to revive Harry.

"Why Snape? Malfoy even? I'd better not have to go on dates with them." Harry was regaining his composure. However, he couldn't stop rambling.

"We don't know who you're going on dates with. Besides, Dumbledore lent us the Goblet of Fire, and we're going to use that to decide the 30 people. Come with us now to do it." George replied, grabbing all the contestants' papers from the floor and throwing them in a bag.

Harry crossed his fingers as Fred and George anxiously watched the flickering blue flames.

"Please God... please... not Malfoy! Not Snape... please," he prayed, looking up at the ceiling.

Fred and George took the slips of paper as they came out of the Goblet. "Blaise… Pomfrey… Hannah Abbot… Susan Bones… Hermione…Ginny." The list went on.

Harry kept his fingers crossed. So far, there weren't that many… guys.

"Hmm…Draco, Pansy…some Slytherins, I see, Harry," chuckled Fred.

"No!" Harry blanched, thinking about a date with Draco. He shuddered, looking like he would faint again.

Finally, the last two names came. "Lucius Malfoy…and Snape!" shouted George, collapsing in fits of laughter.

Harry glared at the ceiling. "See if I ever ask you for anything ever again!"

Fred and George just continued in their fits of laughter on the floor.

* * *

"This is the worst day of my life…" Harry was staring down at his food.

"Like it's any better for me," Malfoy sneered.

"Then why did you sign up?" Harry was starting to become impatient with Malfoy.

"I didn't! Someone signed up for me!" Malfoy complained, folding his arms.

"I really wish they hadn't done that!" Harry muttered.

"Are you saying there's something wrong with me, Potter?" Malfoy started to stand up from the table.

"What if I am?" Harry enjoyed seeing Draco upset.

"You little…" Draco threw himself at Harry. Both teenagers fell to the floor. Draco wrapped his fingers around Harry's neck. Harry put his hands around Draco's neck also. If someone were to walk in at that moment, it would have seemed very comical.

* * *

"Get him, Harry! Punch him!" yelled Ron to the screen. Contrary to Harry's belief, all of his dates were not as private as they seemed. In fact, they were all carefully monitored using Extendable Ears and the new Weasley's Wizard Wheezes, Optical Eyes, both of which were charmed to display the goings-on on screens in the Great Hall of Hogwarts, Diagon Alley, and Hogsmeade.

"Ron! Don't say that! This is totally barbaric! The thing that worries me the most though is that they have wands, they're wizards, and they can't remember that they can do magic!" Hermione was not enjoying watching the two boys fight.

"Yeah! Well, I'd like to see what happens on your date with Harry…that's right, Harry! Kick him where it hurts!" Ron stopped in the middle of his sentence to yell at the screen again.

* * *

"Ugh, Potter! YOU IDIOT! Do you even have any idea as to how much that hurts?" Malfoy was rolling around on the ground, yelling in pain.

"Yes…I do. Petrificus totalus!" Harry stood up gasping for breath. Malfoy stiffened like a board. However, he could still hear and shift his eyes to look around.

"Malfoy, you're going to listen, and you're going to listen well! We're not going to go on another date, and if you come near me, inside or outside of school, I'll kick you again." Harry was walking around Malfoy, staring down at him.

"WAHOO! Yeah Harry! You showed Malfoy!" Ron was doing a victory dance around the Great Hall.

"Ron, would you stop being so immature?" Hermione was trying to hide from the glanced of the other students in the Great Hall.

Finally, Fred got fed up with his annoying little brother. "Shut up, Ron! Harry's coming out soon."

Ron threw a glance at the twins. "Spoilsport," he muttered.

"Just watch," sighed George. "We've got plans."

The doors to the Great Hall banged open. Harry stood, red-raced and irritated-looking.

Fred and George sided up to him. "So, Harry… how was your date? Did anything…significant happen? You look red…you're blushing…" said Fred, glancing at his slyly.

George added his two-pence in. "You're right, my brother. So, Harry, tell, tell! How far did you get? Hug? Kiss? Frenching?"

Harry turned even redder. "Go away!" he hissed at them.

The twins looked at each other. "Oh, la, la! You mush have gotten pretty far with the Ferret, eh?" they teased.

"Shut up!" Harry gritted out. He collapsed next to Hermione, burying his head in his arms. Ron stuffed his fist in his mouth, trying not to giggle.

"Yeah, Harry… how far did you go?" questioned Ron, giggling.

Harry glared at the Weasleys, then picked up a goblet and chucked it at Ron.

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REVIEW! 


	3. The Bubble Room

A/N: We don't own Harry Potter or the restaurant described. On that note, the restaurant described actually exists in Florida, it's really cool! And if you've been there, I'm sure you'd agree!

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**Chapter Three: The Bubble Room**

"HARRY! Come on, get up! Today's your date with Ginny! And if you upset our little sister, you're in for a world of pain!" Fred warned, shaking Harry to wake up.

"Yeah, yeah," Harry got up and went to get some clothes out of his trunk.

"Now listen. Today, you're going to eat in this garden we know about, for lunch. Dumbledore has allowed us to use a portkey for you to get there. Then you'll have dinner in this American, muggle restaurant, The Bubble Room, in Florida with Hermione." George stated, getting Harry a tie that Ginny might like.

"America! We're going to America?"

"Yep, you've got a two-way portkey to the U. S. of A.!"

"But… AMERICA! I mean, have you seen how those Muggles over there DRESS? And their accent! It's atrocious! And...and." Harry began to hyperventilate.

Fred clapped a hand over Harry's mouth, effectively shutting him up. "You're going to America, and that's the end of it. Hope you have a good time! AND DON'T HURT GINNY! Don't be mean, don't be rude, and don't do anything we wouldn't do!" Harry snorted, as if that would happen.

"Got it…" Harry replied exasperatedly.

"And one more thing!" yelled George. "I expect you to stay 2 feet away from Ginny at all times! TWO FEET! No close contact and NO TOUCHING!"

* * *

"So, uh, Ginny, enjoying your time?" Harry asked, not sure what to say without getting yelled at by Fred and George.

Ginny just nodded.

"Would you, uh, like some dessert?" Harry asked, loosening his tie.

"Sure," Ginny replied.

"How's some… cheesecake sound?" Harry questioned, running his eyes over the menu.

"Ok," Ginny replied, blushing a crimson red.

"Alright, um, waiter, could we get a piece of cheesecake and two forks?"

"PPPRRRTTT…." Ginny's eyes went wide.

"Ginny, did you just…" Harry asked, not even completing his sentence.

"Hey, God makes me do these things!" Ginny rapidly answered.

"Right… Check!" Harry replied, with an outstretched hand.

"GINNY! Bloody hell, she only does that when she's really nervous!" Ron was staring at the screen, hardly believing what his sister had done.

"I don't think I've ever seen Ginny do that." Hermione replied, with a hand clasped over her mouth.

Everybody else in the hall was just pointing and laughing at the screen.

"Poor Ginny! I'm going to go get her," Ron started for the Great Hall doors when Hermione grabbed him.

"Ron, you can't. If Harry finds out that most of the Wizarding World population is watching, he'll kill all of us!" Hermione reminded Ron.

"I hate it when you remind me of these things," Ron sat back down in defeat.

* * *

"Hermione, why'd you sign up? You see my EVERY day!" Harry asked, staring at the waiters and waitresses, who called themselves "Scout Leaders."

"I just wanted to see if I would get in," Hermione informed.

"Right…" Harry replied in confusion.

"Hey scouts! Welcome to the Bubble Room! Would you like some Bubble Bread to start you kids off?" The waiter announced.

"Oh, sure. And could we have two waters," Harry replied, "and 2 pork dinners?"

"Alrighty, feel free to look around while your waiting," The waiter wrote down their order and walked off.

"You wanna go look around some?" Harry asked.

Hermione nodded.

As soon as they got up, they walked to the bar area. The wall across from the bar had some old games from carnivals and bobble head dolls. The wall next to it had every inch of it covered with pictures, toys, and random things. They then walked into the next room. Their waiter had seen them out of the corner of his eye.

"Ah, I see you've found the love boat photo booth. Here, take a picture," the waiter took the camera and shoved the two into the boat.

"I really don't think…" FLASH Hermione kept blinking her eyes; she felt she had gone blind.

"Here you go! Your food is at the table now…" The waiter handed them the picture.

The rest of the dinner was silent.

"Oh come on! Get some kind of action in there! This is starting to get really boring!" Ron was screaming at the screen, once again.

"Ron, calm down! It's all been planned. We didn't give Harry the money to pay this time. He's gonna have to wash the dishes. And, we took his and Hermione's wands!" George smirked.

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A/N: That's probably one of the most boring chapters we're going to have. Don't forget to REVIEW!

Mimi and Ashleigh


	4. The Dirty Dishes

Disclaimer: We don't own Harry Potter, so please don't sue us.

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**Chapter Four: The Dirty Dishes**

"Here's your check," the waiter took out the strip of paper, handed it to Harry, and walked away.

"Oh no!" Harry was staring at the check with his hand on his forehead.

"What is it?" Hermione asked, wiping her mouth with a napkin.

"Fred and George never gave me the Muggle money to pay for this!" Harry was rapidly searching his pockets for any sign of currency.

"Oh great!" Hermione threw her hands up in the air in disbelief.

"Um, waiter? We can't pay for this," Harry quietly said, handing the check back.

"Okay, then that means you'll just have to wash the dishes. Come back when you're ready," the waiter replied, walking away.

"No problem, we have our wands... oh no!" Hermione was searching her jacket for her wand. During that time, Harry was searching his jacket, too, but neither found anything worthwhile... well, there was a Canary Creme from who knows how long ago, but Harry doubted it would help the situation much.

"On three, we run for the front door," Harry whispered, putting his jacket back on.

"But Harry, that's against American Muggle law! We'll get caught." Hermione informed.

"That's what makes it interesting. One, two, three," Harry said, grabbing her hand before a quick sprint to the door.

* * *

"Now this is interesting!" grinned Fred, handing a bottle of Butterbeer to his twin and putting his feet up in the table. 

"Yep!" agreed George, copying Fred's move. "Never though Harry had the guts to do that! Let's see how far he gets."

Beside them, Ron's eyes were bugging out. He was choking on his chicken, but was more preoccupied with the screen to care. He couldn't believe that Harry, his best friend, HARRY could run off and get chased by the Muggle police. And even more surprising, Hermione agreed to it! The idea was just absurd! Really! But then again, if he remembered Harry's father and godfather, it was plausible...

* * *

Harry pulled Hermione along, running out of the restaurant. 

The waiter looked up. "Hey dude! Dude! You didn't pay! DUDE, that's NOT COOL! Get back here, dude! Hey, get the police! DUDE!"

"Keep running, Hermione!" muttered Harry to Hermione.

Hermione looked unsure. "Maybe we should just go wash the dishes…"

"Just RUN!" pushed Harry. He looked for a place to hide. He could hear sirens behind him. "Quick! This way!" he pulled down a nearby driveway and into a large garbage can. "Bloody hell…" he muttered. "I'm going to get you, Weasley!"

Hermione shrieked. "Eww! Fish bones and rotten vegetables!" She picked the food off of her blouse.

"You're going to have to deal with it if you don't wanna get caught. Now hush!" Harry clapped a hand over Hermione's mouth.

"Gosh, now I know how your godfather feels," Hermione replied, shaking her head.

"Come out with your hands up!" The police used their megaphones to sound louder.

"Great! Flippin' great! I never thought this would ever happen. Never!" Harry walked out with his hands up.

"Hey, wait! You're that kid on the dating show! Harry Potter!" The policeman put his megaphone down and walked toward Harry and Hermione. "Those computerized effects with those stupid wand things are awesome! They looked so real!"

"Wait, so you can see what I do on my dates? And you live in America?" Harry looked very confused.

"Yeah, that one with that Draco kid was hilarious! Man, you really showed him how to stay away from you!" The police officer was reenacting the scene with Draco.

"Man, Fred and George are really in for it now!" Harry started to look around.

* * *

"Uh, we gotta go erase his memory. Stupid Muggles, always ruin the fun in everything." Fred and George briskly walked to the Great Hall doors to the Portkey. 

"Man, Harry's going to kill them as soon as he gets his hands on them," Ron was shaking his head and looking at the horrible scene continuing on the screen.

* * *

"Uh, Harry?" Fred and George were trying to get his attention while Harry was ranting. 

"I'm going to kill you!" Harry ran towards Fred and George, waiting to wrap his fingers around their necks.

"Obliviate! Sir, you'd better leave. Obliviate!" Fred made the officer forget that he had done magic. The police officer then walked to his car, and Harry was looking around confused.

"Where the hell am I?" Harry asked, not remembering anything that had happened.

"Uh…nothing…you and Hermione had a great date and now we're going back," George hurriedly replied.

Just then, the first police officer's partner walked up. "Exactly what is going on here?" she asked. "I don't know what Greg was on about, but all of you are comin' with me to the slammer!"

Fred raised his wand, but Hermione snatched his and George's wands from their hands. "What ARE you doing?" he hissed to the irate witch.

"You're violating the International Statute of Magical Secrecy. A small Memory Charm is all right, but what you're planning is against the law-- I mean, have you NOTICED all of the Muggles that are starting to watch us? That first Memory Charm went unnoticed, but I doubt it'd go unnoticed now!" she whispered back.

The policewoman eyed the group oddly, hearingunusual snippets of information,and then put handcuffs on all of them.

"Look what you got us into!" muttered Harry. "We're going to jail, and it's all your fault. I just hope SOMEONE can get us out!"

Arthur, look! Our babies are being put in Muggle jail!" Mrs. Weasley was staring at the screen in Diagon Alley.

"How the hell did they manage that?" Mr. Weasley dropped all of his things.

"I don't know. But we'd better get to Cape Coral, America, quick!" Mrs. Weasley was pushing Mr. Weasley toward the Leaky Cauldron to Floo back to the Burrow.

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A/N: REVIEW! Thanks to all of our previous reviewers! We love you! Ashleigh and Mimi 


	5. The Unforgivable Kiss

Disclaimer: We don't own Harry Potter...

* * *

**Chapter 5: The Unforgivable Kiss**

"This is just wonderful!" Fred was walking through the halls of the jail with his hands cuffed behind his back.

"A lot of help you two blokes are; you're the ones that got us into this mess!" Hermione was glaring at the identical faces.

"Well, it's not our fault four eyes over here fell for our trick!" George was nodding his head in Harry's direction.

"Well, at least I'm not the one who played the trick! 'It'll be fun' my arse!' After Harry's comment, everyone broke out into a riot.

"Hey…. Hey… HEY! There's not going to be any fighting around here, okay? Now, each one of you gets just ONE call!" The officer led them toward the phones.

"A…call?" Fred questioned quizzically. "You mean with a feltone?"

"Fred! Be quiet!" Hermione nudged. She looked up at the policewoman leading her forward, "I'm sorry ma'am. He's a bit off in the head," she explained apologetically.

"Hey!" Fred yelled, but was silenced by a death glare from the brown-haired girl.

"He doesn't really know how to do simple everyday tasks," Hermione informed. "And his twin is the same; mental conditions."

Harry sided up to her, "Good cover; I don't want see what would happen if the twins tried to use a phone," he whispered.

"Alright then, you could use the phone for them," the policewoman replied.

"Well, I, uh.." Hermione looked as if she had run out of ideas.

"Duh, we could use it!" George had walked over to the phone, turned it upside down, and started punching in random numbers.

* * *

"They're dead!" Ron was watching the screen.

"I agree Mr. Weasley. But, we can't interfere. The contract says that only Fred, George, and the Ministry of Magic can interfere… on their own actions." With that, Dumbledore took of his hat and walked toward the Great Hall doors.

* * *

"Fred, George, Harry, Hermione! Oh, I'm so glad we found you! We've called the Ministry and they said that they were planning to come over anyway!" Mrs. Weasley ran to hug the group of juvenile delinquents.

"You'd be bloody glad your parents rescued us," Harry growled to the twins quietly. "Next time you try something like this, I'll make sure your guts are splattered all over the Great Hall!"

The twins only flashed matching grins. "All in good fun, my friend!" Fred replied, ignoring the threat to his life.

"Good fun my arse!"

* * *

"Well, Professor, it was… nice of you to come," Harry felt very awkward.

"Shut up," Snape looked down at his feet.

"How'd you…"

"Shut up!"

"Alright then…"

"SHUT THE BLOODY HELL UP!"

Snape suddenly felt a sharp searing pain on his forearm, as if Voldemort was reminding him to be nice. Snape forced his lips up into a smile and his eye started twitching.

"Uh… are… you feeling alright Professor?" Harry questioned, glancing nervously at the Potions Master.

"Would you like some more tea?" Snape offered with a forced grin.

"Um… sure…" He then glanced into the cup. 'What did you do to it?" he asked suspiciously.

"What do you think, Potter? A love potion, of course!" Snape replied sarcastically.

Harry didn't quite catch on, "WHAT?" He dropped his cup, looking green.

"God, must you take everything so dramatically? I was JOKING!" Snape put the teapot down and talked slowly for Harry to comprehend.

"Well, I am friends with Fred and George. And when you're friends with them, you can never be too careful," Harry replied, picking up his broken china and pouring another cup for himself.

"Yeah, well, like I actually would make a love potion!" Snape spat back.

Just then, Harry's face contorted, "I love you, Snape!"

Snape choked on his drink, "What the hell, Potter?"

Harry put his hands on Snape's, "I love you and don't want you to ever leave me again! KISS ME!" Harry puckered his lips toward Snape's.

Snape backed away, looking around wildly. He picked up the entire teapot and slammed it on Harry's head.

"Oh, come on, Severus, darling! You know you want some of this!" Harry ignored the scalding tea running down his hair. He put one hand on his hip and tilted them to the side, standing like a model. He fluttered his eyelashes at Snape and puckered his lips even further.

"Get away from me Potter!" Snape yelled. "Get away!' He held his wand out, but another sear in his forearm warned him to go along with it.

"Severus, aren't you going to kiss me?"

Snape swallowed. "y-y-yes, Potter…" he spat out, disgusted.

"Well, come on then," Harry strutted up to the Potions Master, swinging his hips from side to side.

Snape took a deep breath and walked toward Harry to kiss him.

* * *

What do you think? Don't forget to REVIEW! And thanks to all of our previous reviewers!

Mimi and Ashleigh


	6. Fishy Business

Disclaimer: We don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters incorporated therewith.

* * *

**Chapter 6: "Fishy" Business**

"What in the bloody hell do they think they're doing?" asked Ron, practically puking.

Fred and George looked disgusted and horrified, but smug at the same time. "We would have to claim that blame," they admitting, setting a small pink bottle on the table. "We...uh...kinda put an invisible love potion in Harry's teacup." They slumped down so that only their flaming red hair could be seen above the table.

Draco, however, looked very...happy about all of it. "Glad Potter and I didn't do that on our date! However, now that I think about it, they do make a rather cute couple." Giggles and snorts came from Draco's little gang of thugs.

* * *

Snape swallowed and grimaced, before hesitantly walking up to Harry and leaning in. He then snapped backward, realizing that Harry was under a love potion. He noticed a fish on his entrée, which happened to still have its head intact. Snape checked to make sure Harry's eyes were closed and picked up the fish, putting it up to Harry's lips. He put the fish back on the plate.

Harry's eyes flashed open and he fluttered them. "Gee, Severus, I never knew you were such a good kisser. But your lips are a little... stiff. Here, lemme warm them up a little." He sauntered up again, while Snape fingered the fish. This time, however, Harry didn't close his eyes. He reached around Snape's waist, pushing the fish to the ground. Harry pressed his lips against Snape's.

Harry's eyes suddenly widened. He shoved the potions master away, wiping his lips. "What the bloody hell do ya think you're doing?" Then he muttered to himself. "God, I'm going to have to brush my teeth millions of times before I'll actually get clean!"

"What the bloody hell am I doing? You're the one who came up on me!" Snape stood there, without acknowledgement of the fact that a person didn't remember anything for the time that a love potion is in effect.

"Like I'm gonna believe your cock-and-bull story! HA! For all I know, you could have placed a memory charm on me, so I can't remember what happed in the last 10 minutes!" Harry waved his hands, gesturing what he was talking about.

* * *

"This is just wonderful! What idiot came up with the idea to send Severus anyways?" Bellatrix dumbfoundedly asked.

"I did!" Voldemort fumed.

"Oh, I mean... uh... wonderful idea, master! Brilliant! The best! Superb!" Mrs. Lestrange went on.

"I GET YOUR POINT! Now, this isn't the end, we still have your and Lucius's dates." Voldemort replied, sitting down in a chair.

* * *

A/N: Sorry we didn't update sooner. Here you go. Ashleigh and Mimi 


	7. Boys and their Dirty Minds

Ok we WILL write! Onward!

Disclaimer: We don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters incorporated therewith.

* * *

**Chapter Seven: Boys and their Dirty Minds**

"My cock-and-bull story? Are you suggesting that I could possible want to do ANYTHING with you?" spat Snape.

"Why else would you hit on me?" retorted Harry.

"I, hit on you? Now that is just too much! Your ego is already large enough, with that fan club following you around. Why would I add to that already overflated head of yours?"

"That is it!" Harry raged. "I want to know what happened, and if you won't tell me, I'll just have to get it from you! _Veritas_!" He shot a truth spell at Snape, smirking as it hit its target. "What happened?"

"You came up on me and tried to get me to kiss you," replied Snape monotonously.

"WHAT!" yelled Harry. "Did you do something to me or put something in the drink?"

"No, but I suspect a love potion was placed in your tea."

Harry scowled. "The twins. I'll kill you both! And this time, I mean it! No Dumbledore in frilly purple robes and no contract will save you!" he muttered, but turned back to Snape. Snape, under a truth spell-- too good of an opportunity to waste! "Are you a…a queer?"

"No, I am currently seeing Sybill"

"Sybill….. Sybill Trelawney?" asked Harry, shocked.

"Of course!" was Snape's answer. Harry gagged. He didn't even want to begin to think what happened the two of them.

"That's just gross!" Harry replied.

"How so? It's just a relationship like any other." Snape reminded Harry.

"But, that's just disgusting, what could you two possible do... UH!" Harry said too much. He didn't have time to stop himself.

"Well, at first, we just held hands secretively, not wanting any of the students to know. Then it got more intimate with kissing on secret dates. Then, one night, our date got REALLY intimate and we crept into myprivate chambersand…" Snape started mumbling due to Harry's hand over his mouth.

* * *

"Oh, come on! We need to hear something! Today's been a bad day for me and I need to hear something that'll at least keep me from being depressed," Ron looked excited, up until Harry put his hands over Snape's mouth.

"Why would we? That's just… gross!" Neville replied, wringing his hands.

"Personally… I think it's kind of sweet. Snape deserves a girlfriend… doesn't he?" Hermione asked. Forks, knives, and spoons clattered on plates at the Gryffindor table. Neville fainted backwards, Ron choked up his food, and the twins' mouths fell open,half-chewed food visibleto the public.

"Oh come on. Everyone deserves to have a true love!" Hermione insisted.

"Not Snape! Snape hates everything! He's not supposed to have a heart, remember?" Ron replied, cleaning the food he coughed up on his shirt.

"Ron! Don't be so discriminatory!"

"But it's true! Just think, it's Snape! And that old bug, Trelawney! In bed together…" Ron trailed off, bad mental images flooding his mind.

"Ew… Ew… bad thoughts…" Ron said, burying his head in his hands.

"Ron!" sighed Hermione. "Boys and their dirty minds."

* * *

"Hiya Harry! I can't believe you're here! With me! We're on the Eiffel Tower! This is just so cool!"

"Just shut up, Colin!" muttered Harry exasperatedly.

"Oh, this is amazing! It's the best day of my life! You're so wonderful, Harry! I'm so glad we're on a date! Let me get my camera!"

Colin went to grab for his camera in his bag. But, before he could get it all the way out, Harry took it from his hands and threw it over the side.

"Uh… ok… no picture then. How about we just walk around then?" Colin asked, trying to contemplate the look on Harry's face.

"Yeah, alright." Harry replied, placing his hands in his pockets.

"Okey dokey then!" Colin skipped forward next to Harry. He sneakily stuck his hand in Harry's pocket and pulled their hands out together laced.

"COLIN! What the HELL are you doing?" Harry backed away, wiping his hand on his jeans.

"I have two things to tell you. One…. I love you. Two….." Colin muttered something incomprehensible.

* * *

A/N: Evil people aren't we? HAHAHA! Just having fun with a cliff hanger! 


	8. Ghost Dates

Disclaimer: We don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters incorporated therewith. They are owned by the Goddess JK Rowling… we owe her SO much!

* * *

**Chapter Eight: Ghost Dates**

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!" Harry backed up. "You're a….. what?"

"A eunuch. So… does this mean you don't like me anymore?" Colin questioned.

"ANYMORE? I NEVER DID LIKE YOU! Why can't you get that through your THICK HEAD?" Harry looked scared; he backed up whenever Colin walked toward him.

"But, Harry, come on. Don't tell me you're not interesting in eunuchs." Colin walked toward Harry with a hug. Harry just picked him up and threw him over the side of the Eiffel Tower.

Colin landed with a loud THUNK and a CRACK, obviously his neck and back breaking.

"Finally, I got rid of him!" Harry muttered in relief. He turned to leave. There in front of him, stood Colin Creevey, transparent and floating. "Oh God!" Harry muttered, banging his head on the ledge.

"Hiya again Harry! Isn't this cool? I can follow you forever and ever!"

"Uhhh..." Harry kept banging his head, muttering, "Please tell this is a dream. PLEASE!"

"Nope! No dream! Isn't that great?" Colin squeaked with joy, flipping around in his transparent form.

"There has to be a spell to keep ghosts where they died!" Harry muttered under his breath, barely audible. Yet, it was loud enough for Hermione to hear from the screen.

* * *

"I know exactly where that spell is!" Hermione exclaimed. 

"It's gotta be in one of these books!" She pointed at the section about ghosts. She picked up six different books before she got the one she needed.

"Here it is! All I have to do is perform the Maneo spell while pointing my wand at Colin." Hermione grabbed her wand and took an emergency portkey to the Eiffel Tower. When she got there, she hid behind one of the bars and muttered "_maneo_" at Colin. He disappeared and Hermione left for Hogwarts.

* * *

"Thank God! I thought he'd never leave!" Harry walked down the stairs and got to his portkey back to Hogwarts. 

"So, Harry, how'd it go with Colin?" George walked up and put his arm around Harry's shoulder.

"Bug off!" Harry shrugged George's arm off.

"Why, what in the world is wrong?" Fred asked innocently.

"Shut up!"

"Alright, alright, touchy! Jeez, you act like a PMSing girl!"

"ARGH!" Harry groaned.

"Fine, I'm just telling you about your next date. It's going to be tomorrow, in the second floor girl's lavatory."

"What? But that's Moaning Myrtle's bathroom!"

"Exactly!"

Harry groaned.

* * *

"Hi Harry!" Myrtle giggled. 

"Hi Myrtle." Harry groaned gloomily. Another ghost is exactly when he needed.

"I saved you a seat!" Myrtle led Harry to her stall and showed him to her toilet.

"Uh… thanks Myrtle." Harry thanked, sitting uncomfortably on the toilet.

"You're welcome," she giggled. "What would you like to talk about? HUH! I KNOW! DEATH!" Myrtle exclaimed.

Harry groaned, he'd come close to death too many times.

"So, Harry, how would you like to die?" Myrtle asked, lolling her head to her shoulder.

"Uh, well, with the one I love, I guess," Harry replied.

"OOOOHHH! And who would that be?" Myrtle asked, floating down to Harry's height. Harry mumbled something that sounded like "Germany."

* * *

A/N: So… who do you think it is? Guess in your review. Yeah… we're evil another cliffy. And we're REALLY sorry we haven't updated sooner. and yeah... we know it's short... 


	9. What I MEANT was

A/N: Wow... over one year since we updated... sorry guys! we really are... high school is taking up A LOT of time... But, we went to the GoF premiere in NYC... and met James Phelps at the Virgin Megastore... yay

* * *

"Germany…. Germany…. Germany…" Ron repeated to himself. 

"Ron, don't speak with your mouth full! You're throwing food everywhere!" Hermione shook her head and moved to sit next to Lavender.

"Come on, Ickle Ronniekins!" Are you THAT thick? It stands for Hermione!" Fred slapped his younger brother upside the head.

Ron's face paled and his food dropped out of his open mouth onto the table.

"Awww… is Ickle Ronniekins getting a wittle jeawous?" George laughed.

"NO!" Ron's face turned to a dark shade of red as he stormed off. He pushed past Harry as he ran and knocked him over.

"So, Harry! Germany, huh?" Fred and George wiggled their eyebrows as they helped Harry up.

"Wha-? Oh… yeah… "Germany"." Harry rolled his eyes, "Didn't really mean for it to come out that way… wait, how do you know?"

"Uh… Moaning Myrtle told us. We have to interview everyone so we know if they want to go on a second date or not." Fred caught himself before he spilled the beans on letting the whole world watch Harry again.

"Right, well… Germany isn't the name I meant to say… I really meant…"

"Hey! Potter!" Draco boomed from across the Great Hall, "You tell Moping Myrtle to stay away from the Prefects' bathroom or else I'll get my father to remove her from the castle!"

"Mr. Malfoy, you do know that your father has no business here. He also does not have permission to remove anyone from school grounds without the Minister's or my consent." Dumbledore peered over his half-moon spectacles.

Fred and George sighed from relief that Harry didn't catch onto Malfoy's knowledge of his date with Myrtle.

"Yes, sir." Draco mumbled as he went back to his food.

"So, Harry, you were saying?" Fred pushed on.

"Oh, right. I meant to say……"

"Harry!" Lee came running into the Great Hall and put his hands on his knees, out of breath.

"Yeah, Lee?" Harry ran over to him.

"Here…." Lee gasped for breath and handed a small slip of paper to Harry.

"Lucius Malfoy…." Harry read aloud, "I don't get it."

"He's… your… next… date…" Fred and George stood wide-eyed next to Harry.

"You've GOT to be kidding me! Why would MY father want to date YOU, Potter?" Draco fumed, once again, from across the Great Hall.

"I could ask you the same question, Malfoy!" Harry yelled back, "You and your father seem to have the same obsession with me lately!"

As he approached the table, Draco took a deep breath, "At least I have a father!" He snarled.

"I would rather not have a father than have one that married someone who looks like she had dung under her nose all the time. Or maybe she still hadn't gotten used to the stench of YOU!" Harry snidely remarked.

"Don't you dare bring my mother into this!... At least she's not a mudblood like yours!" Draco smirked as his goons and Pansy laughed.

"THAT'S IT!" Harry lunged for Draco from across the table.

Draco screamed, tripped back over the bench as he got up to run, and covered his "happy spot."

But, before Harry could even get over the mashed potatoes, Fred and George pulled him back and sat him down at the Gryffindor table.

"Get over it, he knows you're right. He just doesn't want to admit it." Fred reassured Harry, glaring at Draco.

"Now… about what Germany mean…"George pushed forward once more.

"Yeah… right… what I meant was.."

"Hey, Harry!" Ginny called as she entered the Great Hall.

"For God's sake, Ginny! SHUT UP!" Fred screamed, grip tightening on the table.

"Alright… alright! Gods! I only came to tell Harry that McGonagall said that tonight's Quidditch practice was cancelled." Ginny sat down and buttered a roll.

Harry nodded in understanding of Ginny's news.

"Hey…uh… guys. Isn't it time for my dinner with… Lucius." Harry twitched.

"yeah…" Fred sighed, letting go of his tight grip on the edge of the table.

"But, what about Germany?" George called aloud as Harry left.

"I'll tell you later!" Harry called back.

Fred and George groaned as Hermione and Ginny rolled their eyes.

* * *

"Hello… Mr. Malfoy." Harry bowed, but kept his eyes on the eldest Malfoy. 

"Good evening, Mr. Potter." Lucius returned the bow and tightened his grip on his cane.

Harry sat at the table and placed his napkin on his lap, checking to make sure his wand was in his coat pocket. Then, the waiter came by with their waters; and in the process, spilling them on the table cloth when he looked at the two people sitting at the table.

"I'm _so_ sorry. I… I don't know what came over me… forgive me. I'll be right back with your new table cloth." The waiter scurried off with the table cloth. But, when he turned to look back at Harry and Lucius, he tripped over the table cloth and bumped into another waiter who, luckily, only had dirty dishes. As the dishes began to fall, Lucius lazily flicked his wand at the dishes and they neatly stacked one on top of the other in mid-air.

"That was… erm… rather nice of you, Mr. Malfoy." Harry choked on his words.

"Yes, well, I didn't want to have to bother with that twittering idiot of a waiter apologizing again." Lucius, said, through pursed lips.

"Really? I figured you would like to have people always groveling at your feet." Harry said under his breath.

"What was that!" Lucius whipped his head around from watching the waiters stumble over each other.

"Your hair looks nice." Harry quickly replied.

Lucius eyed Harry suspiciously and slipped his wand back into his cane.

The waiter came back with the new table cloth and asked for their orders.

"I'll have a well-done steak, please." Harry said, skimming through the menu.

"And I'll have filet mignon." Lucius said shortly after.

Harry handed the menus with a smile to the waiter, reassuring him that nothing would happen.

"UCH!" Lucius let out a moan of disgust. "Look at this poor table setting! The spoon does NOT go here! What if I try to eat my salad with a spoon? And what if I use the knife to sip my soup?" Lucius quickly rearranged everything to his liking, muttering words to himself, and brushed a strand of hair away from his face.

"Talk about OCD." Harry murmured.

"I'll have you know, Potter," Lucius spat. "That table manners are a VERY important aspect to me!"

"You sure surprised me! I would think all of your house elves would be the reason why you're so neat all the time!" Harry spun his spoon around on the table.

"Are you saying that I depend on my house elves for cleanliness!" Lucius raged, standing up at the table.

"NO! I'm saying that you depend on your house elves for LIFE SUPPORT!" Harry stood at the table as well, knocking into it, causing the waters to spill over again.

When the waiter arrived with the food, Lucius was drawing his wand from his cane when Harry whipped his out from his coat and screamed, "PETRIFICUS TOTALLUS!"

The waiter ducked under the table, and dropped the food onto the floor unattended and unnoticed. Lucius lay on the floor, motionless as Harry stormed out of the restaurant, leaving the check for Lucius Malfoy… that is… if anyone cared to unfreeze him…

* * *

A/N: aww… you guys never found out who Germany was… or did you? Hmmm.. Lol…Anywho… this is Ashleigh I've kinda lost my touch… but I'll get back up there thumbs up 


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